Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
