I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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