2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
