Swine flu. Run for my life!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
