epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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