it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
