Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
