While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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