she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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