I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
