You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
