happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
