If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
