so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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