all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
