Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
