Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wear drunk well.
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