I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
