i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
