Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
