In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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