No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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