So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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