i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
