just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
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Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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