dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize