chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
