I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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