the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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