My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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