R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
