Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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