you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
