She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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