She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
