I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
