You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
