I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
