i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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