She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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