You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
