bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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