I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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