what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
