just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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