Do you still have your period?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
