the condom got lost in my hair
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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