Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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