Buhtt sex?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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