$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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