tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
