Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
