all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
