I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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