I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
