so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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