A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
