i just had sex bonerless
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
