operation harelip BJ is a go
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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