You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
