peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
