I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
