Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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