Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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