i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
