My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
