Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
