I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
