Just fell off a train. Bad.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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