new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
