all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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