Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
