i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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