I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
