; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She even gives head with a lisp.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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