so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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